[INT. EVENING. F/X musica italiana triste played on un mandolino.]
[The DOGFATHER sits at a table in his private room in un molto buon ristorante italiano. Un DRAGOVOLPE stands nearby. Una MOFFETTA enters and sits at the table across from DOGFATHER.]
MOFFETTA:
Dogfather, I have a problem. The fandom has been like a family to me. I love the anthropomorphic drawings and so I studied hard to become an artist. I draw beautiful wolves and foxes every day. Finally I posted a beautiful vixen to VCL. She was so cute. I asked people what they thought of my work. It was then that the Troll found me. He told me that my pictures were childish. He sent me insulting e-mails. He made me a laughingstock on IRC. He made me never want to draw again! I went to the sysadmins, but they said they could do nothing. I then knew I had to turn to someone with greater influence.
DOGFATHER:
Why did you go to the sysadmin first? Why did you not come to me directly? What would you have me do?
[DOGFATHER leans forward. MOFFETTA whispers in his ear.]
DOGFATHER:
That I cannot do.
MOFFETTA:
I'll draw you anything if you will help me!
DOGFATHER:
You come to this convention to ask me for help. When did you ever add me to your friends list on LiveJournal? Did you ever ask me to be in your guild on World of Warcraft? Or ask me to join you in your hot tub on Second Life? And now you ask me to do you this favor. Why should I help you?
[MOFFETTA rises from his seat and kneels in front of DOGFATHER.]
MOFFETTA:
Dogfather, may I add you to my friends list?
[MOFFETTA rises. DOGFATHER hugs him affectionately.]
DOGFATHER:
Someday, and this day may never come, I may ask you to sketch something for me. Maybe a conbadge... it might even be something yiffy. Accept this justice as a gift during this wonderful convention.
MOFFETTA:
Bless you, Dogfather.
[Exit MOFFETTA.]
[DOGFATHER turns toward DRAGOVOLPE.]
DOGFATHER:
Find the Troll. Have him toaded on FurryMUCK. Spam his inbox. Oh, and put this in his bed.
[DOGFATHER reaches under the table and drags out DONKEY on a leash.]
[FADE OUT]
